According to the author, why do victims often willingly overlook red flags in the early stages of a relationship?

Hey, that's a really great question – lots of people have had similar confusion or even lived through it themselves. Based on insights from Jackson MacKenzie's books and numerous real-life experiences, I can help break down why we experience "selective blindness" at the start of relationships.

It's actually quite complex and can't be brushed off with a simple "I was naive back then." Let’s break it down into a few points:

1. "Love Bombing" Creates a Filter

Imagine meeting someone who seems tailor-made for you.

Overwhelming Flattery and Attention: You’ve never met anyone who understands and praises you so intensely, making you feel like you’re the most special person alive. They remember tiny hobbies you mention offhand; if you're stressed at work, they're instantly there offering comfort. This level of concentrated attention makes you feel uniquely cherished.
Rapidly Creating an "Us" Mentality: Within days, they start planning your shared future – traveling together, meeting parents, marriage, kids. These "future promises" generate an intense feeling of security and certainty about the relationship.

Under this intense onslaught, you become immersed in a blissful state of feeling "perfectly loved." At this point, minor red flags are like someone whispering during a movie – slightly annoying, but you choose to ignore them to avoid ruining the amazing experience.

2. The "Soulmate" Illusion

Toxic partners excel at Mirroring early on. They act like a perfect mirror, reflecting your interests and values back at you.

You love rock music? Suddenly, so do they. You dream of seeing the Northern Lights in Iceland? That's their lifelong dream too.

You feel like you’ve found a long-lost "soulmate," a connection so perfect it seems surreal. Within this "meant to be" narrative, when they display controlling behavior (e.g., checking your phone) or disrespect (e.g., putting down your friends), your first reaction is often:

"No way. We’re so perfect together – they couldn’t have meant it." "Maybe I’m overreacting? They probably just care a lot."

To preserve this beautiful soulmate fantasy, you actively make excuses for their strange behavior.

3. The Brain's "Cognitive Dissonance" Tricks You

This is a fascinating psychological phenomenon. When your brain holds two conflicting thoughts simultaneously, it creates discomfort.

Thought A: "They're amazing to me; they're my soulmate."
Thought B: "They were just rude to the waiter, and they lied to me about something small."

These competing thoughts clash, and the brain, seeking quick relief, opts for the easiest solution: eliminate one. Obviously, discarding the uncomfortable "Thought B" is much easier than dismantling the entire happy narrative of "Thought A."

So, without realizing it, you convince yourself: "They were probably just having a bad day," and toss that red flag aside like trash – a defense mechanism to maintain internal peace.

4. Exploiting Your Inner "Voids"

None of us are perfect; deep down, we all harbor insecurities or unmet desires.

If you crave love: Someone showering you with affection feels like an oasis in the desert – you desperately cling to it.
If you struggle with confidence: A perpetual cheerleader becomes your emotional crutch, finally making you feel validated.
If you have a "rescuer" complex: When they share their painful past, you think, "Only I can understand and heal them," giving you an intense sense of worth.

They pinpoint your deepest need and amplify it, making you believe that leaving them means losing that fulfillment. To hold onto that feeling of being "needed" and "satisfied," you naturally overlook those unsettling little details.

To Summarize:

The truth is, victims in the early stages aren’t truly "blind" to the red flags. Often, they do see them, but their mind and emotions won't allow them to believe it.

It's like the metaphorical frog in slowly heating water. At first the temperature is pleasant, so you have no impulse to jump out. As the water gradually gets hotter and the red flags multiply, you grow numb, maybe even thinking, "Relationships must just be like this." By the time the water boils, you’re too weakened to escape.

So the key isn’t asking, "Why was I blind back then?" It's learning to trust your gut. That very first inkling that something feels "off" is usually the most truthful signal you'll get.

Hope this explanation helps!