What Exactly Do People with High Emotional Intelligence Do Right in Communication?

Hello, I'm really glad we can chat about this topic. Honestly, "high emotional intelligence (EQ)" might sound mysterious, but when it comes to communication, it really boils down to being more thoughtful and considerate than most people in a few key areas.

Think of communication like two people passing a ball. An average person might just think, "How do I throw this ball over?" while someone with high EQ considers, "How can I throw it so the other person can catch it comfortably?"

Let me break down what they actually do right, using plain language. You'll see it's something we can all learn.

1. They are true "Listeners," not "People Waiting to Talk"

When many people listen to others, their minds are thinking, "Hurry up and finish so I can argue/add my point/express my opinion."

People with high EQ are different. When they listen, they are genuinely "receiving information," including:

Hearing the content: What is the person actually talking about?
Hearing the emotion: Is the person happy, angry, or frustrated while talking about this?
Hearing the subtext: What haven't they said out loud, but what do they really want? (Do they want advice, or just someone to vent to?)

For example:

A colleague complains to you: "The new boss is so annoying! He makes me revise the proposal every day. I'm already on the fifth version!"

Average communication: "Hey, bosses are all like that. Just put up with it." or "Well, try changing it like this..." (Rushing to give advice or conclude)

High EQ communication: "Oh man, five versions? That must be so frustrating, what a pain." (First, acknowledge their emotion)

See? The second response makes the other person feel "You get me!" instantly closing the psychological distance. They might just want to vent; you're helping them open the bag, and they'll be grateful.

2. They Know How to "Empathize," not "Lecture"

Empathy, simply put, means "I understand how you feel." It's not sympathy or pity, but a kind of perspective-taking: "If I were you, I might feel the same way."

People with high EQ often say "I understand" and demonstrate it through their actions.

For example:

A friend is very upset because they didn't do well on an exam.

Average communication: "Don't think about it so much, it's just one exam. Try harder next time." (This is reasoning, but it's the last thing the person needs right now)

High EQ communication: "I know you put a lot of effort into studying for this exam, so it must be really disappointing that the results weren't what you hoped. Do you want to talk about it? Or I can just hang out with you for a bit." (Acknowledge their effort and validate the reasonableness of their disappointment)

Feel the difference? The first dismisses your emotions; the second embraces them.

3. They are "Emotionally Stable" Adults

What's the worst thing in communication? Emotions flaring up. Once emotions take over, words are like spilled water – they hurt and don't solve the problem.

People with high EQ aren't emotionless; they understand "deal with the emotion first, then deal with the issue." They give themselves a buffer:

Take a deep breath, calm down for a few seconds.
Filter out hurtful words in their mind.
Think: "Is my goal right now to solve the problem, or to win this argument?"

For example:

You and your partner are arguing about who does the housework.

Average communication: "Why didn't you wash the dishes again?! Do you even care about this home?" (Direct attack, escalating conflict)

High EQ communication: (First, calm yourself down) Then say: "I see the dishes are still in the sink. I feel a bit tired and disappointed. Could we talk about how to share the chores so it's easier for both of us?" (State the fact + State your feeling + Propose a solution)

This "I-statement" approach expresses your own needs instead of blaming the other person, making them more likely to listen.

4. They Know How to Give People an "Out," Preserving Everyone's Dignity

Everyone cares about saving face. Making someone lose face in communication kills the conversation and blocks the path forward.

People with high EQ are especially good at building a ladder during awkward or conflicting moments, allowing both parties to step down gracefully.

For example:

In a meeting, you notice a clear error in a colleague's report data.

Average communication: (In front of everyone) "Isn't this data wrong? I remember last month's data was XXX." (Making the other person very embarrassed)

High EQ communication: (Find a chance privately) "Hey, I was just looking at your report. About the data for XX, did I maybe remember it wrong? I thought it was a different number. Should we double-check to avoid problems later?" (Frame it as you "might be mistaken," giving them a chance to correct the error)

This points out the problem while preserving your colleague's dignity; they will only thank you.

5. They Focus on "Solving the Problem," not "Winning the Debate"

The purpose of communication isn't to prove "I'm right, you're wrong," but to reach consensus, solve problems, and maintain the relationship.

People with high EQ always have a clear sense of purpose in communication: How can we work together to make things better?

For example:

You want your child to eat more vegetables, but they resist.

Average communication: "You have to eat them! Vegetables are good for you. No TV if you don't eat them!" (Force and threats, creating tension)

High EQ communication: "I know this broccoli doesn't look very tasty, but your body needs it to grow taller and stronger. Look, we can cut it into small pieces and dip it in the ketchup you like, or we can have a race to see who finishes three pieces first, okay?" (Acknowledge their feeling and offer choices/gamified solutions)

To Summarize

So, what exactly do people with high EQ do right in communication?

They don't use complex tactics. The core is simple: They always put the "person" and "the person's feelings" first.

They understand:

Connect emotionally first, then discuss the matter.
Understand the other person first, then express yourself.
Seek win-win first, then pursue right and wrong.

This is more like a genuine kindness and consideration from the heart. The good news is, these aren't innate traits; they are skills that can be mastered through deliberate practice. Starting today, try asking yourself one more question during communication: "How will the other person feel hearing this?" You'll gradually become that communication expert who makes everyone feel comfortable.