Why are manipulators obsessed with control? According to this book's analysis, is their core driving force envy, boredom, or inner emptiness?

Alright, let's delve into that profound question about manipulators from Jackson MacKenzie's book. Why are manipulators (like narcissists, sociopaths, etc.) so obsessed with "control"?

You mentioned three possibilities – envy, boredom, and inner emptiness – and they are all somewhat relevant. However, according to MacKenzie's analysis, they aren't equally significant; there's a primary cause and secondary effects.

The core driving force is "inner emptiness," and envy and boredom are direct products of this emptiness.

Core Driving Force: Unfillable 'Inner Emptiness'

Think of a manipulator's inner world like a black hole.

A healthy person possesses self-worth, stable morals, personal preferences, and goals. Their "inner world" is substantial and meaningful. They know "who I am."

Manipulators are not like this. Their "self" is an empty shell. They lack a stable, authentic core. They don't know who they are and lack a consistent sense of self-worth. This feeling is terrifying, like floating endlessly in a void with no place to land.

To escape this dreadful emptiness, they must grasp outward for things to "fill" themselves. The easiest things to grasp, and the things that provide the strongest sense of "existence," are other people's emotions, lives, and energy.

Control is the means by which they grasp and absorb this energy from others.

By controlling your emotions (making you happy, hurting you, confusing you), they feel their influence and confirm "I exist."
By controlling your life (deciding what you wear, who you see, what work you do), they treat it like playing a life simulation game, using your life as a substitute for their own pallid existence, temporarily forgetting the emptiness.
By controlling your thoughts (making you doubt yourself, believe their narratives), they turn you into an extension of themselves, a malleable "accessory," which provides immense security and satisfaction.

Therefore, control isn't the goal; it's their only survival strategy to combat the inner "black hole."

Two Emotions Stemming from "Emptiness": Envy and Boredom

Looking back at the other two options, it becomes clear they are byproducts of "inner emptiness."

1. Envy

The manipulator's envy isn't the simple "Oh, he has a nice car, I'm jealous" feeling we might experience.

Their envy targets the very state of your being. They envy:

Your capacity for genuine emotion: Your ability to feel real happiness, sadness, love, and be loved. These are luxuries they cannot experience.
Your talents and passions: Your drive for art, music, work, and the fulfillment you gain. Their world is gray; they have no true passions.
Your healthy relationships: You have genuine friends and family.

Because they are internally empty and cannot generate these "positive things" themselves, seeing you possess them evokes devastating envy. A major aim of controlling you is to drag you down to their level of emptiness. They will belittle your passions, isolate you from friends, making you as hollow as they are, only then finding some relief from their envy.

2. Boredom

For someone with an inner void, life is incredibly boring and dull. Without genuine interests or profound emotional experiences, each day feels like a replay of a black-and-white silent film.

To break this boredom, they require intense stimulation.

Creating drama and chaos is how they entertain themselves.

Stiring conflict between you and friends to watch the fallout.
Making ambiguous statements deliberately to make you anxious and question.
Causing trouble during your important moments (birthdays, anniversaries) to destroy your joy.

This "drama" is like watching an exciting movie for them. It provides a temporary feeling of being "alive," rescuing them from the stagnant boredom. Controlling the situation, watching people ride emotional rollercoasters for them – this is their "entertainment" to fight the tedium.

To Summarize

So, if you were to map the relationship, it would look like this:

Inner Emptiness (Core) ↓ Must grab outward to fill the void ↓ Obsessed with Control (Mechanism/Strategy) ↓ During control, they manifest two key emotions ↙ ↘ Envy Boredom (Seek to destroy what you possess) (Require drama for stimulation)

Understanding this shows their behavior has little to do with your inherent worth. You are simply the person chosen to fill the black hole within them. Their actions stem from their own irreparable internal deficit.