What do you believe is the core message of this book, summarized in a single sentence?
If I had to summarize the core message of this book in one sentence, I believe it would be:
Stop analyzing the person who hurt you, shift the focus back to yourself, and only through establishing boundaries and self-healing can you truly move on from a toxic relationship.
In simpler terms:
Frankly speaking, although the book is titled How to Not Like Someone, what it really teaches you isn't how to hate anyone, but how to stop "liking" (or, rather, obsessing over) the person who constantly drains you.
Often, we can’t break free from a bad relationship because we keep agonizing over questions like:
- "Why did he/she treat me this way?"
- "Was something wrong with me?"
- "Maybe he/she will change?"
The author tells you: Stop thinking about these! You don’t need to understand a black hole; you just need to recognize it and walk away.
The heart of this book lies in redirecting all the energy you once spent analyzing them, pleasing them, and waiting for them to change—and using it entirely on yourself. See your own wounds, rebuild your own life, and love that long-neglected self who’s been drained and overlooked in the relationship.
Therefore, that "not liking" is actually self-protection—because you "dislike" being treated that way, you choose to leave and reclaim yourself.