After reading this book, how have your views on "kindness" and "empathy" changed? Are they weaknesses or strengths?

Sure, here's the translation:

After reading the book How Not to Hate Someone, my perspective on "kindness" and "empathy" deepened significantly.

How have your views on "kindness" and "empathy" changed after reading this book? Are they weaknesses or strengths?

Before reading this book, I always saw "kindness" and "empathy" as unquestionable virtues, like the sun in the sky—the more, the better, and applicable to everyone. I would even blame myself for being "not kind enough" or "unable to empathize" with someone.

After finishing the book, it felt like someone had replaced the prescription glasses I'd worn for years with ones that finally have the correct lens strength. The world is still the same world, but I see it much more clearly now.

My perspective shifted mainly in the following ways:

1. From "Unconditional Kindness" to "Selective Kindness"

My Old Self: Felt kindness should shine like the sun on everyone indiscriminately. Even towards those who hurt me, I tried hard to understand "if they had their own struggles," forcing myself to forgive.
My New Self: I understand that kindness and empathy are precious resources, not infinite. They should be given to those who deserve them—people capable of healthy emotional interaction. For those who only drain you or exploit your kindness to manipulate you (the "toxic people" mentioned in the book), your kindness becomes a "free pass" for them. Wasting these precious resources on unworthy people not only depletes you but also leaves you with no energy to be kind to those who truly love and need you.

2. "Empathy" ≠ "Being Responsible for Others' Emotions"

My Old Self: Was easily affected by others' emotions. If someone seemed upset or hurt in front of me, I'd instinctively think, "Did I do something wrong?" or "I need to do something to make them feel better." This empathy often burdened me heavily.
My New Self: The book made me see that some people weaponize their own pain. They deliberately play the victim, using your empathy to guilt-trip you into compliance. I now understand: I can understand your feelings (empathy), but I am not obligated to be responsible for your emotions. Everyone is ultimately responsible for their own emotions and actions. I can show concern, but I don't have to jump into your pit and exhaust myself.

3. Saving the Greatest Share of Kindness and Empathy for Yourself

This was the point that resonated with me the most. We're always taught to "put ourselves in others' shoes," to understand them, but few tell us to empathize with ourselves.

When treated unfairly, manipulated, or belittled:

My Old Self: Would first reflect inward: "Am I being too sensitive?" "Am I overthinking?"
My New Self: Will now pause and ask myself: "How am I feeling right now? I feel upset, my feelings are real, and I need to be respected." Prioritizing the validity of my own feelings is, in itself, an act of kindness towards myself.

So, Are They Weaknesses or Strengths?

My answer: Boundary-less kindness and empathy are weaknesses. Kindness and empathy with boundaries and wisdom are among the universe's most powerful strengths.

Think of it like this:

Weakness Mode: Your kindness is like a house without locks. Anyone can enter, take your things (your time, energy, emotions), trash the place, and you end up feeling like a bad host.
Strength Mode: Your kindness is still a warm, welcoming house, but now it has solid doors and strong locks. You warmly invite friends over to share your food and warmth. But for burglars trying to break in, or "babies" who want to relieve themselves all over your home, you unhesitatingly show them the door and lock it.

To summarize:

This book didn't turn me into a cold, selfish person. Quite the opposite, it taught me how to protect my kindness and empathy, so they can be used where they matter most, shining their brightest light and warmth. It’s no longer just a naive instinct, but a conscious, empowered choice.

So, of course they are strengths—some of the most beautiful qualities we possess as humans. However, any powerful strength requires an "instruction manual," and this book provided me with that crucial manual.