How does the author suggest managing contacts on social media? Why is clearing social media considered a crucial part of 'breaking ties'?

Okay, no problem. Regarding handling relationships on social media, especially when you want to completely “cut ties” with someone, there are indeed some crucial steps and reasons. Below is my response, organized based on experience and understanding.

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How to Handle Connections on Social Media?

When you decide to create distance from someone (especially someone in an unhealthy relationship) in your offline life, the separation needs to happen online as well. The author and many people with similar experiences typically recommend employing a "Digital No Contact" strategy.

This might sound a bit extreme, but the purpose is to protect yourself. Specifically, you can do this:

1. Definitively Block and Delete, Not Just "Unfollow"

   • Unfollow: You simply stop seeing their updates, but they might still see yours (if your account is public), and the connection remains – you can still message each other.
   • Block: This is the most thorough way. After blocking, neither of you can see each other's profiles, updates, or contact each other. It's like putting a digital lock on your house, completely shutting out their disturbances.

2. Manage Mutual Friends

   • This doesn't mean cutting off all mutual friends. You need to carefully consider which mutual friends might unintentionally or intentionally become "informants," relaying your updates to them or their updates to you.
   • For mutual friends with whom the relationship is delicate, you can temporarily "mute" their updates. This way, you don't have to delete them, but you can still make your social media feed cleaner, avoiding any potentially distressing content.

3. Adjust Privacy Settings

   • Set your social media accounts (like Moments, Weibo, Instagram, etc.) to "private" or "Friends Only". Even if there are any lingering connections you haven't managed, they won't be able to pry into your life. This is a fundamental way to protect your privacy.

4. Leave Shared Groups

   • If you are still in some shared chat groups, and the group isn't essential for you (like a work group), it's best to leave it. This reduces a lot of unnecessary awkwardness and potential contact.

Why is Cleaning Up Social Media a Crucial Part of "Cutting Ties"?

Many people think not meeting offline is enough, and keeping online connections doesn't matter. However, cleaning up your social media is actually the most critical step in the entire "no contact" process and often determines its success. The main reasons are:

• 1. Cutting Off the Window for "Observing" and "Being Observed"

  • Frankly, as long as the connection exists, you'll be tempted to check how they're doing. This "stalking" can become a compulsive habit, repeatedly dragging you into emotional turmoil. One of their photos or comments could send your thoughts spiraling all day.
  • Conversely, you might also subconsciously "perform" for them, posting updates you hope they'll see and react to. In this way, you're not truly living for yourself, but living under their surveillance. Cleaning your social media shuts this window of mutual observation, allowing you to refocus your attention on yourself.

• 2. Creating a Safe "Healing Space" for Yourself

  • Recovering from a toxic relationship is like being wounded; you need a quiet, undisturbed place to "recuperate."
  • If your social media feeds are still filled with information about them – their new life, their interactions with others – it's like constantly rubbing salt in the wound. You simply cannot begin the real healing process because you're always being pulled back into the past. Cutting digital ties creates a clean, safe psychological space for yourself, allowing emotions to stabilize gradually.

• 3. Establishing Clear Personal "Boundaries"

  • "Cutting ties" is inherently an act of setting boundaries. You're telling the other person, and yourself: "You no longer have unrestricted access to my life."
  • If you've said goodbye offline but kept online connections, these boundaries become blurred and incomplete. The other person might think there's still a chance, using likes, comments, or other means to test you or harass you. A thorough digital cleanup is an action that reinforces your resolve, declaring to yourself and the outside world: this relationship ends here. It's a gesture that signifies power and self-respect.

• 4. Avoiding "Second-Hand Hurt" and Unnecessary Trouble

  • Sometimes, harm doesn't come directly from that person but from your shared circle. Mutual friends might bring them up to you, or messages might be relayed to you via them.
  • Removing these potential connection channels minimizes the hurt caused by "second-hand information." You don't need to know what they said, nor do you need others to "judge" your relationship. This allows you to disentangle yourself from the complicated social web, simplifying your life and bringing greater inner peace.

In summary, cleaning up your social media isn't making a mountain out of a molehill; it's a highly practical act of taking responsibility for your mental and emotional well-being. It helps you move beyond the influence of the past more quickly and genuinely start a new life.