How to forget someone after a breakup?
Hello, friend. Reading your question, my heart sank a bit too. Heartbreak is almost an inevitable "mandatory course" in everyone's life journey. Though it's tough, trust me, you can definitely get through it.
Forgetting someone isn't really about deleting memories. It's more like slowly moving a photo that's stuck to your chest, making it hard to breathe, and eventually putting it into a thick photo album. When you occasionally flip through it, what you see is no longer heartache, but an experience, a story.
Below are some "down-to-earth methods" that I and my friends have summarized after going through this journey. I hope they can give you some strength.
Step One: Allow yourself to "sink" into it
- Cry your heart out, embrace the gloom: Don't hold it in. If you want to cry, find a private place or cry loudly in front of a trusted friend. If you want to feel down for a few days, give yourself a break, order the most expensive takeout, watch the most boring shows. Emotions are like a flood; you need to give them an outlet. Blocking them will only lead to a burst sooner or later. Admitting you're sad is the first step to moving on.
Step Two: Create "Physical Isolation"
- Out of sight, out of mind: This is the most direct and effective move.
- Social Media: Unfollow, block, mute... whatever term you prefer. Don't scroll through their updates, don't try to guess if their post is about you. Every peek is like rubbing salt into a wound that's trying to heal.
- Contact Info: Delete their phone number. I know you might have memorized it, but the act of "deleting" itself is a ritual, telling yourself: it's time to turn the page.
- Items: Pack up everything they gave you, your photos together, all the things that trigger memories. Put them in a corner where you can't see them, or get rid of them entirely.
Step Three: Find "You" Again
- Fill your time: What's most feared after a breakup? Being idle. Once you're idle, your mind starts playing on repeat.
- Pick up old hobbies, develop new skills: That guitar you haven't played in ages, that painting you haven't finished, or swimming, baking, coding that you've always wanted to learn... Go do it! When you focus on something and gain a sense of accomplishment, you'll realize your world is more than just love.
- Exercise intensely: This is my personal top recommendation. Go for a run, hit the gym, do some boxing... Turn all that heartbreak into sweat. The dopamine produced by exercise is a natural "happy drug" that can genuinely make you feel better.
- Hang out with friends: Get together with your best buddies or girlfriends. Go out for meals, sing karaoke, travel. Share your pain with them, let them be there for you. You'll realize you're not fighting this battle alone.
Step Four: Give Time Some Time
- Accept setbacks: Healing isn't a straight line. You might feel fine this week, then hear a familiar song next week and instantly break down. This is completely normal! Don't invalidate your efforts because of it. It's like a cold; even after you're better, you might still have a runny nose for a few days. Allow yourself to have ups and downs, don't be too hard on yourself.
- Don't rush into a new relationship: Some people try to use a "new love" to forget an "old love," but this is often like "drinking poison to quench thirst." Rushing into another relationship before you've fully sorted yourself out is irresponsible to yourself and unfair to the next person.
Finally, I want to say that while this experience is painful, it will also help you grow. You'll understand yourself better, and become clearer about what you want and don't want.
One day in the future, when you think of him/her again, your heart will be calm, and you might even smile faintly. By then, you'll know you've truly moved on.
Keep going, stranger. Time, and you, are both helping you.