What specifically does "Self-care" mean in the context of this book? How does it differ from self-indulgence?
"Hey, that's a fantastic question! I've read that book and really wrestled with this concept myself back then. Many people encounter the term 'self-care,' especially after emotional trauma, and easily confuse it with 'self-indulgence.' Let me break it down in simple terms based on the book's meaning.
Self-Care in the book: More like a responsible "Inner Parent"
In Jackson MacKenzie's book, "self-care" isn't the simple "bubble bath, milk tea, or new purse" we often see on social media. It's a deeper, more courageous practice.
You can think of it as acting as a 'good caregiver' within yourself to nurture your hurt, vulnerable 'inner child.' A good caregiver doesn’t endlessly give a child candy just because they’re crying but guides them toward what’s truly beneficial—even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment.
Specifically, "self-care" in this context includes:
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1. Allowing and Feeling Your Emotions, Not Avoiding Them
- What does it mean? After leaving a toxic relationship, you might feel pain, anger, loneliness, or shame. True self-care means letting yourself sit with these emotions—acknowledging, "I am hurting right now." You may cry, journal, or talk to a trusted friend.
- Why is this care? Because only by facing and processing these emotions can you genuinely heal and move forward. Avoiding them lets the wound fester.
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2. Setting and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries
- What does it mean? This is crucial. Examples: blocking an ex; firmly saying "no" to uncomfortable people or situations; prioritizing your needs over people-pleasing.
- Why is this care? Setting boundaries might trigger guilt or fear initially, but it’s actively telling yourself: "My feelings matter. I deserve respect. I have the right to protect myself." This rebuilds your self-worth.
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3. Rebuilding Stable, Healthy Daily Routines
- What does it mean? Prioritize regular sleep, nutritious food, and moderate exercise. These basics sound simple, but maintaining them post-trauma is powerful—they create stability and control.
- Why is this care? You’re building a secure "base" for your exhausted body and mind. Physical well-being is the foundation for emotional recovery.
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4. Meeting Your Deep Core Needs
- What does it mean? Needs like safety, belonging, and worth. Fulfill them through supportive friendships, learning new skills for accomplishment, or organizing your space for security.
- Why is this care? This nourishes you at the root, not just filling a void with temporary pleasure.
What is "Self-Indulgence"? How it differs from "Self-Care"
"Self-indulgence" is more like an "overindulgent parent." Its motive is "I don’t want to face the pain; I need relief NOW." It’s short-term and avoidant.
For clarity, here’s a comparison:
| Aspect | Self-Care | Self-Indulgence |
|---|---|---|
| Goal | Long-term well-being and growth. | Short-term pleasure and pain avoidance. |
| Feelings | Might feel hard/uncomfortable now, later grounded/stronger. | Feels great/easy now, later often empty/regretful/worse. |
| Driver | Rooted in love and responsibility for yourself. | Driven by fear, impulse, or numbness. |
| Example | Feeling sad → go for a run or talk to a friend to process emotions. | Feeling sad → binge eat, binge-watch, shop impulsively, or rebound to numb pain. |
| Result | Addresses root issues, making you stronger and more whole. | Hides problems, trapping you in cycles or decline. |
To summarize simply
- Self-care asks: "What truly supports my long-term well-being?" Even if difficult, I’ll do it. It’s investing in your future.
- Self-indulgence asks: "How can I feel better RIGHT NOW?" It trades your future health for fleeting comfort.
Distinguishing between them is vital for healing. It takes practice and patience with yourself. Next time you consider an action, pause and ask: Am I caring for myself or indulging myself?
Hope this explanation helps!"