What is the 'Brain Fog' state as described by the author? How do you understand this extreme psychological exhaustion?

Hey, I see your question about this state of "brain fog." It's something many people who've been through complex relationships deeply resonate with. It’s definitely not just simple "tiredness" or "forgetfulness." I'll explain it based on Jackson Mackenzie’s descriptions in his book and my own understanding.

That Feeling of "Having Muddled Thoughts": Brain Fog and Mental Exhaustion

Think of this response like a friend with similar experiences talking with you.

First, let's look specifically at what "Brain Fog" actually feels like:

The "brain fog" described by the author is a very specific type of cognitive dysfunction. It’s not like the grogginess you feel the day after poor sleep; rather, it’s a persistent, pervasive state of "chaos." Imagine your brain shrouded in thick fog – unclear thoughts, difficulty comprehending, and slowed reactions.

Specifically, it usually presents in the following ways:

Sluggish thinking, like wading through mud: It feels like your brain's "processor" has slowed down. Things you used to understand quickly now take multiple mental loops, or you can't figure them out at all. Thinking feels laborious, like trying to think underwater - facing significant resistance.
Severe memory decline: This one is particularly distressing. You might find yourself, like a goldfish, forgetting what you wanted to do or say the moment after you think it. Important tasks others assign or commitments you make are frequently forgotten. This can make you feel unreliable and start questioning if you've "become stupid" or have some illness.
Difficulty concentrating: You can't focus on one thing for long. Whether working, reading, or watching a movie, your thoughts drift away uncontrollably. You might stare at the screen for ages without absorbing a word, your mind a tangled mess.
Impaired decision-making: Even simple choices like "what to eat for lunch" can feel overwhelming and difficult. Faced with options, your mind goes blank or you endlessly agonize, unable to decide. Making decisions requires clear thought and weighing options – abilities that are temporarily "offline" during brain fog.
Difficulty with language expression: That frustrating feeling of "having words on the tip of your tongue." You know what you want to say, but can't find the right words. Speech becomes jumbled or you completely freeze up.
Feeling unreal (Derealization): Feeling separated from yourself and the world by frosted glass, like watching a movie about yourself. Your body is here, but your mind is somewhere else; what's happening around you lacks a sense of reality.

So, how does this state come about? Let me share my understanding of this "extreme psychological exhaustion":

Brain fog doesn't appear out of nowhere. It’s the inevitable consequence of mental resources being severely overdrawn. The author (and much psychological research) points out it’s typically linked to chronic, long-term stress, particularly within an unhealthy relationship.

I like using a computer analogy to explain it; it might make it easier to understand:

1. Your brain is like a computer's Central Processing Unit (CPU) and Random Access Memory (RAM). Under normal conditions, this computer runs smoothly. You can handle multiple "programs" simultaneously: work, studying, chatting with friends, planning weekend trips, etc.

2. A draining relationship is like countless high-resource-consuming "malware" running secretly in the background of your computer. What are these "malware" programs? * "Emotion Scanner": You constantly analyze the other person's mood, scanning their subtle expressions or tone to gauge if they're in a good mood or if you might "set them off." This program runs 24/7, scanning and analyzing. * "Behavior Predictor": You constantly predict their possible reactions, carefully choosing words and actions to avoid triggering conflict or displeasure. It's like playing a "Minesweeper" game where you can't make a mistake. * "Reality Checker": When subjected to gaslighting, you constantly doubt your own memory and judgment. Your brain expends huge amounts of energy repeatedly confirming: "Did that really happen? Did I misremember, or is he/she lying?" * "Self-Criticism Module": You constantly reflect on what you did wrong, wondering if it's your fault everything happened. Self-doubt and self-blame programs run rampant in the background.

3. "Brain Fog" is the precursor to system failure. As these high-resource-consuming "malware" run continuously in the background, they hog almost all your CPU and RAM resources. The result is:

*   **System-wide lag (Sluggish thinking):** Trying to open a normal "document" (like thinking about a work problem) leaves the computer unresponsive.
*   **Insufficient memory, can't load new information (Memory decline):** Background programs fill the memory. New information (like what someone just said) can't be stored, or gets pushed out immediately.
*   **Programs freeze frequently (Difficulty concentrating):** Trying to run a "media player" (like watching a movie) is constantly interrupted by "virus" pop-ups from the background, preventing focus.
*   **The system shuts down non-core functions for self-preservation (Decision paralysis, Derealization):** To prevent a total system crash, the computer shuts down functions it deems "non-essential," like complex decision analysis or the deep sense of connection with the outside world. This is a **"survival mode."**

So, simply put:

This "brain fog" isn't laziness, stupidity, or weak willpower. It's your psychological system sending a distress signal. It’s telling you your mental resources are depleted, your "brain server" has been forced to slow down or temporarily shut down some services due to chronic overload.

Understanding this allows you to stop blaming yourself and realize that escaping brain fog doesn't come from "trying harder to think". The key is to uninstall that draining "malware," so your brain's CPU and RAM can rest, recover, and redirect resources toward what truly matters.