What psychological and practical preparations should a victim make when preparing to leave?

Okay, my friend. Seeing this question from you stirs complex feelings in me. First off, I deeply respect the courage it takes for you to decide to change your life for the better. This is undoubtedly one of the hardest, yet most crucial steps you'll ever take. Preparing to leave someone who hurts you is like preparing for a meticulous battle—requiring both unyielding mental fortitude and thorough practical planning.

Below, based on my understanding and some experience, I've outlined steps to help. I hope this is useful.

Preparing to Leave: A Courageous and Wise Act of Self-Rescue

Leaving someone deeply entwined in your life, especially someone who has hurt you, is far more complicated than simply walking out the door. It’s akin to withdrawal; your body and mind will experience significant upheaval. Therefore, the more thorough your preparations, the greater your chances of successfully reaching freedom.

We can break down the preparations into two main parts: Psychological Armor and Practical Provisions.

Part 1: Forging Your Psychological Armor

This is the core, the foundation. If your inner resolve isn’t strong enough, even the best practical plans can be undone by a few words or "kind" gestures from the other person.

1. Solidify Your Resolve: Repeatedly Confirm "Why I Must Leave"

Harmful relationships erode your judgment. When you're preparing to leave, the other person might suddenly become gentle and remorseful, making you wonder, "Will they change?" or "Am I overreacting?"

The Evidence Log: Take a notebook or use a phone memo app and write it down. Record every instance of hurtful, belittling, or frightening behavior. Be concise and factual, like writing a report. Example: "Date: X/X/X, Incident: He yelled at me because..."
Read It Repeatedly: Whenever you waver or soften, revisit this list. It combats your brain's tendency to romanticize the past, reminding you clearly and objectively of the ample justification for leaving. It is NOT your fault.

2. Prepare for the "Emotional Rollercoaster"

The process of leaving and the initial period afterwards will involve complex and intense emotions. This is entirely normal.

You will feel afraid: Fear of retaliation, fear of being alone, fear of the future.
You will feel guilty: Especially if the person acts devastated after you leave, you might think, "Am I being too cruel?" Remember, this guilt is a hangover from long-term emotional manipulation; it's not your responsibility.
You will experience "withdrawal-like" yearning: Even if you detest them, your brain is habituated to their presence. You might unexpectedly miss the few remaining "good times." This is like quitting an addiction – incredibly hard but necessary to push through.

Knowing these feelings are coming in advance helps you face them with less panic. You can tell yourself, "Ah, it's here. This is normal. It will pass."

3. Build Your "Emotional Support Squad"

You don't need to carry this alone.

Trusted Friends/Family: Identify one or a few people you absolutely trust, who have good judgment and will support your decision. Communicate your plan to them in advance. They can support you when you waiver and potentially offer a safe place if you need to leave urgently.
Professional Therapist: If possible, I strongly recommend seeking professional help. A therapist is like your battle strategist. They can help you clarify thoughts, process trauma, rebuild confidence, and learn to set boundaries. Investing in this is investing in your future well-being.

4. Practice "Self-Care" to Recharge

By this point, your energy may be depleted. Start being kinder to yourself now.

Rediscover Yourself: Are there hobbies you gave up because of him/her? Painting, dancing, shopping with friends? Start them again. Even 15 minutes a day doing something you enjoy helps reconnect you with who you are.
Affirm Yourself: You are doing something incredibly brave. Remember to tell yourself: "You're doing great."

Part 2: Gathering Your Practical Provisions

This is your action plan, ensuring your exit is orderly and, most importantly, safe.

1. Develop a Secret "Safety Plan"

Core Principle: Safety first, absolute secrecy! Do not tell them you're leaving. Do not discuss it with them. Do not let them suspect anything is different. Execute your plan covertly, like an agent.

Where to?: Determine your first safe location. A friend's? Relative's? Pre-arranged short-term accommodation? A shelter? Ensure it’s safe and unknown to the other person.
When?: Choose a time when they absolutely won't be home and won't return soon (e.g., during their work hours, business trip).
How?: Your own car? A friend picking you up? Pre-booked ride? Plan the route and transportation method.

2. Prepare an "Emergency Go-Bag"

Keep this bag hidden but easily accessible. If an emergency forces you to leave immediately, you can grab it and go. It should contain:

Crucial Documents: ID, passport, driver's license, social security card, children's birth certificates, etc. (Take photos for safe cloud storage or send to a trusted person if you can't access originals).
Money & Cards: Some cash, bank cards, credit cards in your name.
Keys: House keys, car keys, keys to your new place.
Communication: Phone, charger, power bank.
Essentials: Necessary medications, a change of clothes, basic toiletries.
"Evidence Log": Include it if you have a physical copy.

3. Secure Your "Digital Life"

Digital safety is as important as physical safety today.

Change Passwords: Change passwords for all critical accounts (social media, email, online banking, phone lock screen). Ensure they don't know the new ones.
Check for Tracking: Inspect your phone, car, and belongings for GPS trackers or listening devices.
Clear Computer History: Erase browsing history, especially searches related to "how to leave," "housing," your new location, etc.
Social Media: Temporarily deactivate or highly restrict social media visibility. Block the person's contact points COMPLETELY after you leave. Do not engage.

4. Gather and Safeguard Important Documents & Finances

This is the bedrock for rebuilding your life.

Open a Secret Bank Account: Using your own details, open a new account at a bank unknown to them. Gradually move your savings into it.
Collect Documents Quietly: Gather important documents like property deeds, diplomas, contracts, etc., that are yours. Store them securely (e.g., at work, a trusted friend's house).

5. Document Evidence Discreetly

If possible and safe, collect evidence. This may not be for court, but to remind yourself later why your decision was necessary.

Screenshots: Capture threatening, abusive messages.
Audio/Video Recordings: Only if you can do so safely.
Journal: Write down incidents and your feelings (securely).

Final Thoughts

My friend, I know this all seems overwhelming and frightening. Please tackle it step by step, breaking this huge task into small goals. Today, write down three painful incidents. Tomorrow, open that new bank account... Every small step completed brings you closer to freedom.

Leaving isn't an end. It's the beginning of reclaiming control over your life. You deserve love, respect, and a peaceful, sunlit future.

You are not alone in this fight. Stay strong!