Before I met him/her, what kind of person was I? What did I like to do?

Hey friend.

Seeing your question made my heart skip a beat, because this is truly a very, very important and deeply poignant question after a breakup. In a relationship, especially a long-term one, it's easy for "me" to become "we." Our lives, hobbies, and even social circles become deeply intertwined with the other person. So when that person leaves, it feels like a part of yourself has been ripped away. You suddenly feel lost, asking this question: "Who am I?"

Don't be afraid, this is completely normal. This is actually the first step you're taking to move past the breakup and rediscover yourself. It means you're starting to focus on yourself again, and that's a fantastic thing.

Answering "Who was I before I met them?" isn't about rejecting the past; it's about reclaiming that complete self who was temporarily forgotten. Below, I'll give you some little clues, like a treasure hunt, to help you find that "you" again.

A "Time Capsule" List to Help You Remember

Find a quiet afternoon, make yourself a cup of tea or your favorite drink, grab some paper and pen (or use a notes app), and try answering the following questions. Don't rush, just write as you think.

1. About Your Interests and Solo Time

On weekends or after work, if you were completely alone, what would you do?
- Stay home gaming all day? Or curl up with a book on the balcony all afternoon?
- Put on headphones and walk somewhere quiet for an hour or two?
- Or browse quirky little shops, like model shops, stationery stores, or used bookstores?
In your music playlists, what songs are your personal "treasures"?
- Before you met them, which songs did you have on repeat? How did they make you feel?
- Were there any bands or singers you were obsessed with that they weren't really into?
What movies, TV shows, anime, or books were you truly engrossed in?
- Which one did you watch over and over? Stayed up late to finish?
- Which character or plotline fascinated you so much you discussed it online with others?

2. About Your Social Life and Friends

At gatherings without them, what did you and your friends usually talk about or do?
- Belt out "old-school" tunes at KTV? Or find a place to drink and chat, talking about everything from the mundane to the profound?
- Play sports together – basketball, running, frisbee?
- Were there one or two friends you drifted from because of the relationship? What were you like in their eyes? (Try reaching out to them!)

3. About Your Little Habits and Personal Style

Where did your money go?
- On the latest sneakers? Saving up for that coveted camera lens?
- Splurging without hesitation on a great cup of coffee or a delicious meal? Or spending it on figurines, models, or cosmetics?
In your room's decor or your clothing style, what were your signature "personal touches"?
- Did you absolutely love wearing a certain color or style of clothing?
- Did your desk have to have a specific figurine or a plant on it?
Did you have any unique little "quirks"?
- Like having to eat food in a certain order? Or performing a little ritual before bed?

4. About Your Dreams and Inner Self

Before meeting them, what were your plans or fantasies for the future?
- Did you want to travel to or live in a specific city?
- Did you want to learn a new skill, like playing guitar, learning Japanese, or coding?
- What were your small goals for your career?
What made you laugh out loud from the heart?
- A video from a funny blogger? Or a silly joke shared with a friend?
What were you proud of?
- Maybe a successful project, or just assembling an IKEA cabinet by yourself.

After Finding the Answers, What Next?

The point of this list isn't just to "remember," but to "act."

Pick one thing and do it: From the list you wrote, pick the simplest thing, the one you miss the most. Maybe listen to that old playlist. Maybe reach out to that friend you haven't seen in ages and meet up for a meal.
Re-experience it: When you do these things again, pay attention. Does it feel familiar? Does it feel like, "Yes, this is me"? That feeling is the signal that you're reconnecting with yourself.
This isn't regression: Rediscovering your past self doesn't mean reverting to who you were. People always grow. This relationship experience, good or bad, has also shaped who you are now. The current you is a blend of that independent self and the self who experienced a relationship – a richer, more mature you.

Finally, I want to tell you: that person didn't "take" a part of you. Your original self has always been there; it might just have been overshadowed by the glow of the relationship and gathered a bit of dust. Now, what you need to do is brush off that dust and let that independent, complete, shining self come out for some fresh air.

You haven't disappeared. You just temporarily forgot how whole and interesting you are. Now, it's time to find that self again. You've got this!