Is healing a linear process? Why do setbacks and regressions occur? How can one cope with these moments?

Hey pal. This question feels especially close to my heart because it's something practically everyone on the healing journey asks themselves repeatedly. I'll share my thoughts based on my own experience and understanding.

---

Is Healing a Linear Process?

The answer is absolutely, definitely not.

If anyone tells you that healing is like climbing stairs, where you stand a little higher each day, they haven't truly experienced profound healing themselves.

A much more fitting analogy is a spiral upward.

Imagine you're on a spiraling staircase heading upwards. You are constantly gaining height, but on each loop, you pass through a spot almost identical to one below. You might look down and think, "Oh no! How come I'm back in this dreaded spot? I haven't made any progress!"

But the reality is, while you're seeing similar scenery (the same emotions, the same struggles), the height you've reached is different. Your perspective in viewing it and your ability to handle it are completely changed compared to when you first started down below.

Another analogy is weather. The healing process is more like a week's weather forecast: sunny days, cloudy days, and sometimes even sudden storms. You can't deny all the sunny days that came before just because it's raining today, and you can't guarantee it won't rain tomorrow. But you'll gradually learn to carry an umbrella, to enjoy the freshness after the rain, rather than getting caught off guard and soaked by every shower.

Why Do Setbacks and Regressions Happen?

Feeling like you're "regressing" is a normal, even arguably necessary, phenomenon in the healing process. Here are the main reasons:

1. The Brain's "Auto-Pilot": Our old patterns of thinking, emotional reactions, and behaviours are like deep, well-trodden paths worn into our brains. New, healthy patterns are like trying to carve a new trail through the grass beside them. When you're energetic and feeling good, you consciously choose the new path. But when you're depleted, stressed, or triggered, your brain instinctively defaults to the easier, more familiar "old road." This isn't your fault; it's the brain's energy-saving instinct.

2. Life's Triggers: Healing doesn't happen in a vacuum. We still have to live our lives, encountering various people and situations. A song, a familiar street corner, an offhand comment, a significant anniversary, even a specific smell – can act like a switch, instantly pulling you back into the emotional whirlpool of the past. It's like a nearly healed wound being accidentally bumped; of course it hurts.

3. Energy Depletion and Recovery: Healing itself is incredibly energy intensive. Just like a body needs rest after major surgery, emotional recovery requires energy. You can't stay "fully charged" every day. On low-energy days, your ability to maintain a positive state and combat negativity naturally diminishes, making the feeling of "regression" more likely.

4. You're "Facing a Deeper Boss": Sometimes, the feeling of "regression" is actually a sign of progress. Because you've become stronger, you're finally capable of confronting and processing those deeper, more core wounds. It's like in a game: once you level up, you qualify to fight tougher bosses. Fighting this "deeper boss" will naturally be harder and more painful, making you feel as helpless as you did back in the starting area. But in reality, it's proof you've come a long way.

How to Handle These Moments?

When you feel yourself "regressing," don't panic, and crucially, do not attack yourself. Try these approaches:

• Step 1: Practice Gentle Acceptance, Not Self-Criticism. Your first reaction might be: "Not again! I'm useless!" Stop. Tell yourself: "Oh, hello again. I know this feels awful, it's okay, I give myself permission to feel lousy today." Imagine your best friend feeling miserable – would you scold them? No. You'd hug them. Treat yourself right now with the same kindness.

• Step 2: Shift Perspective; See the Bigger Picture. Don't compare "today's you" to "yesterday's peak you" – that leads to frustration. Compare "today's you" to "the you who first started healing." You'll be amazed to discover that even on a hard day, your ability to cope with pain and your perspective are likely far more robust than the overwhelmed person you once were. This is progress.

• Step 3: Activate Your "Healing First-Aid Kit" Prepare this "kit" during your good days – a collection of things that help you feel even a tiny bit better. When the sense of regression hits, reach for it immediately; don't wait until you're paralyzed. Your kit might include:

  • A Safe Person: A trusted friend, family member, or therapist to talk to.
  • Calming Activities: Deep breathing, soothing music, a comforting movie, curling up with a pet.
  • Simple Movement: Go outside for a five-minute walk, do some stretches. Releasing physical tension helps emotions flow.
  • Write it Down: Pour all the jumbled feelings onto paper – no logic, no editing, just emotion "vomit".
  • Sensory Comfort: Light a scented candle, drink warm tea, wrap up in your softest blanket. Soothe the heart through bodily comfort.

• Step 4: Lower Expectations; Be A Patient Companion In these moments, don't force yourself to "get back on track." Your task today isn't to "move forward," but to "prevent further harm." Give yourself permission to rest, to do less, to "idle away" a day. Healing is a marathon, not a sprint. Patience is the best gift you can give yourself.

Remember, every recurrence on the healing path is not a return to square one. It's an opportunity to deepen your understanding and solidify your gains. Every time you rise from a low point, your resilience grows stronger. This journey is tough, but the fact that you're walking it is truly remarkable. Keep going!